Thursday, September 21, 2006

#15: Valar and Maiar? I Didn't Sign Up for That!

Date: Before the Sun and Moon
My Mood Is: let down

Well, we've gotten started on building and assembling the World of Arda. Melkor is doing most of the heavy lifting, of course, taking charge of the project and overseeing all the lesser spirits.

Most of the work has involved the spontaneous generation of matter and energy. I'm proud to say the Fire Spirits have been most helpful in this matter, and the most eager to bend to the wisdom of Melkor. I've been spending a lot of time corralling the useless Earth, Air and Water Spirits. These morons are all over the map, and Creation would be nothing but a muddy pile if someone didn't whip these imbeciles into shape.

I saw Melian today. She looked great. I wanted to say hello, but I was too nervous.

Anyway. Of course, we got trouble right away from the Manwë/Ulmo contingent. Neither of these guys had any clout back in the Timeless Halls -- but come to Arda, and all of a sudden they think they're gods or something. Melkor was second only to Eru back in the Halls; that means he's second to NO ONE in Arda.

I suspect this is something Manwë and Ulmo will have to be taught. Eventually.

To shut up some of the noisier Ainur, Melkor came up with a plan, and I really don't like it. Fifteen of the Ainur, eight male and seven female, are to be annointed "Valar," or Greater Spirits. The rest will be "Maiar," or Lesser Spirits.

I'm to be a Maia. SAURON DOES NOT APPROVE.

Melkor spent a long time calming me down, and explaining this to me. He says he needs me to work directly under him; that as Second-In-Command to the Greatest of the Vala, I will be the second most powerful, the Greatest of the Maiar.

Bullshit.

He also says he's setting up
Manwë, Ulmo, Oromë and the others. They'll accept all this power and responsibility, and fail -- then it will be clear that all power should accrue to Melkor. And me.

Now Huan is telling me he's HAPPY to be a Maia. What a dumbass.

Monday, September 11, 2006

#14: Who the Hell is "Iarwain?"

Date: Before the Sun and Moon
My Mood Is: disgusted

So, like I said, Melkor, He Who Arises In Might, was the first of the Ainur to descend into Eä and take shape within Arda (followed closely by me). Arda is a small, dark space. And it should be empty.

But there was already somebody there.

As we Ainur all floated incorporeal and naked in the dark, freezing our metaphorical asses off in the zero-degree-Kelvin temperature, the sound of singing came out of the dark.

There was no air, of course, so the singing had to be meytaphysical in nature. That would imply another ainu, right?

And what singing. Even the most banal and insipid ditty that talentless hack Manwë could devise, would seem as the deep and lofty music of Melkor compared to this drivel.

"Hey dol! merry dol! ring a dong dadar!
Iar Wain, jolly wain, Iarwain Ben-adar!"

And more stupidity like that.

We were all pretty surprised at first. Melkor got into an argument with Manwë over who the singer was. Melkor kept demanding to know why someone was in Arda before us. That sniveling toady Manwë replied that it didn't matter, it was up to Eru, and we shouldn't worry about it.

Screw Eru. We live here in Arda now. Let Eru look after the Timeless Halls -- this is OUR world, mine and Melkor's.

And all the other Ainur too, of course.

Friday, September 08, 2006

#13: Eru's Second Great Bait-and-Switch

Date: Before the Sun and Moon
My Mood Is: aggravated

Sorry I haven't posted in a little while, things have been very hectic here in Arda. And I am NOT happy.

The Vision of the Ainulindalë showed us a world vast in time and space. Well, that's not what we got. Eä itself is finite in scope, with beginning and end, and so seems tiny and cramped compared to the Infinite Realms of the Timeless Halls of Ilúvatar.

But we don't GET to live in Eä. Oh no. Surprising, isn't it, since Eru never told us anything of the kind before we committed to this?

No, we Ainur are confined to Arda, a tiny sphere in the center of Eä. The whole damn thing's only a few tens of thousands of miles across. And outside of it, all is Dark and Void.

So, in all the infinite and immeasurable vastness of spacetime, we, the Ainur, the First and True Children of Ilúvatar, greatest all all beings save One, must slum around on a tiny planet surrounded by walls of firmament.

This sucks balls.

Well, you might say, at least you get to rule over Arda, right? A world of light and life and fire and ice? Filled with delicious animals and servile mortals, right?

No. Arda is filled with Dark and Void, as well.

You see, Eru showed us a preview of the World, but He didn't bother to actually create it. WE have to create it. Molecule by molecule, stone by stone.

Something He also failed to mention.

There's one more thing He forgot to tell us, and even more than our virtual imprisonment, and the long hard labour before us, this irks the hell out of me.

You see, when we Ainur arrived, "first" of all beings to dwell in Arda -- there was already somebody here.